Genre: Lotrps AU/Harry Potter future!fic crossover
Pairing: Domlijah, eventually
Summary: Dom becomes a teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and finds himself strangely attracted to Elijah, one of the Gryffindor seventh-years.
Rating: R for this chapter
Warnings: Like I said, AU and crossover.
Disclaimer: This story is about as real as Michael Jackson's face. Harry Potter was written by JK Rowling, the boys and girls of the LOTR cast all belong to themselves, and I use their names and faces for the characters that are made up in my crazy head. I make no money off this.
Feedback: Makes me happy.
Author's notes: This story came to me while reading HP to my kids, and it's about the strangest thing I've ever written. Beta'd by the loverly avondster
Chapter 9: In which there is angst! Denial! Pining! Self-touching!
Extra note for this chapter: When I gave Avi my (original) next chapter to read, she commented that it didn't fit very well with the continuity thus far, that I needed to provide more motives for my characters to show why they act as they do. So I wrote this here chapter to go in between.
Elijah thought that somehow, with his discovery of Monaghan having a girlfriend, his strange infatuation with his young teacher would disappear. But, to his irritation and exasperation, his interest only increased in the next couple of weeks to develop into a serious crush.
At first Elijah had thought it had to do with the uniqueness of the Changeling, but the more he found out about the Changeling-folk, the more he came to realise that he was falling head over heels with this individual, instead of with the mystique that still surrounded his kind.
He could spend an entire lesson looking at the vivid, lively face which moved so expressively when Monaghan spoke, or watching his graceful way of moving as he paced in front of the blackboard, moving his hands constantly as he talked. And often he would remember those eyes that changed colour constantly, a constant reminder of the fact that there was so much hidden below that surface, just out of reach…
Because it was not only that he was attracted to him physically: Elijah found he really liked Monaghan, as a person. He admired the strong way in which his teacher dealt with what he was, his passion for teaching, his endless knowledge of the subject he taught, and many others besides. Many times during meals he would watch Monaghan talking with Astin or Serkis, but mostly with Boyd, and Elijah wished at those times that he could sit with them and share in whatever they were discussing.
But Elijah was also still a teenager, and that, too, became plainly obvious to him again. He had always pitied the poor House-Elf charged with changing his bedsheets, since Elijah, like most of the boys his age, was gifted with a healthy amount of sexual frustration, and especially during the time he’d spent with Josh. But now it was even worse than it had been then.
At first Elijah tried to distract himself by thinking about someone else, anyone else. Every night after he had assured himself his six roommates had all fallen asleep and he’d rolled onto his side, facing away from them, plunging his hand down his boxers, he’d thought about people he’d seen on TV or in magazines: actors, singers, models, sportsmen. He would try Bean, his Quidditch teacher, on whom nearly every girl in the school had a secret crush, or Orlando, or even Professor Blanchett whom every other boy in his dormitory fancied. He’d even attempted to imagine Josh again a few times, but it didn’t help. In the end his fantasies and even dreams always ended the same: as his hand sped up and his hips bucked of their own accord, the imaginary person would start transforming, and when Elijah shuddered in climax and spilled over his hand and the sheets, he would always hear the same voice, and though the face was not always the same, Elijah knew who it really was.
Though this tended to make his nights enjoyable, it made his Transfiguration classes quite uncomfortable, to say the least. Sometimes Elijah would have no idea, afterwards, what the lesson had been about, because he had been too concentrated on his teacher. A few embarassing times when Monaghan bent over Elijah’s shoulder to look at his work, and Elijah had felt the other man’s breath on his face, he was sure that the erection he was sporting under the table had to be obvious to everyone within a mile radius.
Elijah was quite furious with himself over the whole thing. After the whole debacle with Josh, he had vowed not to do this to himself ever again, because frankly, when he fell in love with someone, he tended to be pathetic and stupid and embarrass himself completely. He kept telling himself that the object of his affection seemed to be both straight and taken, as well as not entirely human, and that he was a teacher for fuck’s sake, and the only ones who should have crushes on their teachers were thirteen-year old girls.
Sometimes he even started imagining that the feeling was mutual, that Monaghan looked at him just a tad too long, or that his voice’d go slightly deeper when he spoke to Elijah. A few times Elijah lifted his head from his work and got the idea that his teacher had been staring at him only moments before, and had quickly averted his eyes.
But he knew that this was just wishful thinking, and it made him feel like a pathetic besotted girl. Because he was fairly sure that, even in the unlikely event of Monaghan not being straight and taken and a teacher, he would still not be interested in a geeky bug-eyed midget like himself.
And that was where Elijah was very much mistaken.
Dom was interested in Elijah. More than he wanted to admit, in fact. Ever since that first day, Dom had tried to get the younger man out of his head, but to no avail. The more he kept telling himself that Elijah was not interested in him, the more he seemed to be tuned to the fact that the boy very much was.
So Dom accepted the feeling, and then chose to ignore it. Because even if he was interested, and Elijah was interested, it could not go any further than that. And Dom recited the reasons why to himself every time his brain brought the subject up.
First and most of all, Elijah was a student. Dom was his teacher. And upon his instatement, Harry had clearly told Dom that he was not to make any differences between students, both positive and negative. Harry was very strict on equality in this school, and Dom was pretty sure that falling in love with a student would go against those principles.
Secondly, Elijah was young, possibly too young. He might not even understand or accept the feelings he had for his teacher. Dom had learned this at the Institution: it happened often. Students fell in love with teachers because they respected and admired them, just like patients would sometimes fall in love with doctors. It was really quite common.
Only Dom couldn’t remember having been taught what to do if the feeling was mutual.
And maybe most importantly: Dom was a Changeling. If he wanted to keep functioning properly within human society, he had to keep control all the time. And love was possibly one of the least controllable things in the universe.
So Dom had decided long ago that he would never fall in love. A simple, rational decision.
Of course, he could fancy people, be interested in them. There was nothing dangerous about that, really. Just as long as he could fancy them from a distance, and not become involved.
In a way, finding out that he fancied blokes rather than birds had made that a lot easier.
When he’d told his family that he liked boys, his mother had sighed deeply, stroked his hair and said: “oh dearest, you really aren’t having much luck in life, are you?”, not because she judged him for it, but because she thought that this was just another factor that could make her youngest child’s life more difficult than it already was. His brother had made an inappropriate joke about how Dom seemed determined to single himself out, and his father – always the practical one – had said that at least that got the problem of having children out of the way.
Dom agreed with his father. Being queer, he wouldn’t have to worry about a great deal of things. Girls would just want a lot of things from him that he could never give them. Kids, for one thing. Also, any bloke he fancied was very unlikely to fancy him back, thus diminishing his chance of ever becoming too involved with someone he could fall in love with.
And that was why he was in big fucking trouble now. Because not only did he have feelings towards Elijah, but Elijah seemed to have feelings for him, as well. And that scared the shit out of Dom, because it was something he had no control over.
So he kept clear of Elijah as much as he possibly could, which was quite difficult since Dom was his teacher, and had him in class two times a week, and saw him at almost every meal. He just hoped that neither Elijah nor anyone else noticed how he went around the class twice and yet never passed Elijah’s seat, or that he sometimes stared at the boy when he could. He made a point of not turning when he knew Elijah’s eyes were on him, and tried desperately to keep his manner light and professional whenever he did have to be close to him.
But at night, when he was alone in his room sitting up in his bed, he would allow himself to think about what it would be like to touch Elijah, to hold him, to kiss him, to…
And his hand would stray slowly towards the growing hardness under the sheets, as he imagined kissing all of that beautiful, white skin, skin that was soft and real and there. He would think of those impossible, beautiful eyes widening at the sensations he would be giving him, and those tempting lips parting for a sigh, or a moan, or a kiss. He would stroke himself and think of all the wonderful ways in which he would pleasure the younger man.
He never thought about Elijah pleasuring him. He knew what would come of that, even in his fantasy.
A whimpering sob would escape from his lips as his climax overwhelmed him, and he would close his eyes and forget rational thinking and just feel.
Then, after the last aftershocks of his orgasm had subsided, he’d open his eyes and stare into the large mirror that stood opposite his bed.
And the face that would be staring back at him would be one which was pale, and lovely, and had large blue eyes.